The Internal Revenue Service (IRS) has proposed that employers classify work issued cell phones as a fringe benefit. Now why would the IRS attempt to do this, why because they can tax fringe benefits! This will just be another percentage point on your federal income tax. The Federal Government, providing public service with a for profit mindset!

The $106 billion bill that will fund the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq that is working its way through Congress has reached a couple roadblocks. Not only will this bill fund the wars in the Middle East, but at the same time it will allow the President to transfer detainees held at Guantanamo Bay to the United States for Trial. Pass this bill now and you can also block a lawsuit from the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) demanding the release of abuses of detainee photos. Additionally, our recession only offer, if you pass this bill, you will allow Americans to trade in their cars and receive as much as $4,500 toward a more fuel efficient car. The United States Senate, not only giving you what you want, but the things you never knew you wanted!

Just as a side note, the United States still leases Guantanamo Bay from Cuba for 2,000 gold coins a year. Shiver me timbers!

The World Health Organization announced the Swine Flu has become a global pandemic. The last one was more than 40 years ago. Thankfully we have a Surgeon General, the leading spokesman concerning public health. The Surgeon General is the health wizard of the United States, he is full of so much awesomeness, we can get up to date cigarette dangers any time we want, all we have to do is look on the side of a cigarette pack. Oh wait, the Obama Administration has not appointed a Surgeon General. Now that I think of it, we do not even have an Ambassador to Germany. How many other federal positions are vacant? Let’s not be worried though, we have cool new positions that the President can appoint people to like the ‘Car Czar’ and the ‘Pay Czar’. You would think this was Mother Russia. Can’t the next position be named something equally awesome like Duke, Chancellor, or Dragon Rider; it is time for change so we might as well have fun with it.

Most importantly though, Miss California has been stripped of her crown. Her replacement however also just revealed she believes marriage is between a man and a woman. Ah California, you certainly pulled a fast one on us.